Time: Is It On Your Side?

Anyone know what time it is? Oh, still 2020 you say?? 

Between the never-ending election, perpetual quarantine, and what we can now confirm is the single longest year on record (scientific fact!), the concept of time has been on many of our minds. 

So let’s dig deeper into a topic that simultaneously rules our lives and is almost alway staken for granted (and lied about).

Truth: Most of us are obsessed with time. 

Scheduling ourselves down to the minute. Fears of committing (or admitting) the unforgivable sin of “wasting” time. Running against the clock to “turn back the hands of time” and remain “forever young.” Time is the perpetual boogeyman we confront every day. 

We’re so obsessed that many, MANY songs have been written about time and our relationship to it — so much so that I felt compelled to create this “Time Is On My Side” playlist: a non-definitive, non-exhaustive, arbitrary-yet-satisfying compilation of songs that wax poetic about the role time plays in our lives. Is it the first playlist to include both Ja Rule and Enya? It just might be…

But, I digress. (Stop procrastinating, Anna!) 

We’ve come to put such a premium on time that we want to know the precise number of minutes until the subway arrives (knowing that number makes the wait feel shorter, but does not, in fact, change the actual passage of time) and we ask that articles tell us exactly how long it will take to read them before we commit (6 minutes?! Pass.) 

Of course this anti-time-wasting obsession is punctuated by some Grade A hypocrisy: Namely, our addiction to endless social media scrolling and media consumption. As of 2020, the average person spends between 2-3 hours a day on social media, and at least as much time watching TV. We’ll save an analysis of the psychological and societal perils of that data point for another day, but for our immediate purposes, suffice it to say that stat calls b.s. on the perpetual cry of “busyness” so many project. 

Over the years, I’ve written repeatedly about various aspects of our relationship with time: from our culture of busyness, to the power of transformation, to making the most of downtime — including enjoying a layover. So, you may be asking yourself: WTF else is there to say on this topic? 

I’m so glad you asked.

We all have individual and particular relationships with time, conditioned by our families, cultures, professions, and personalities. I stopped wearing a watch in junior high, mostly because I hated having a clock stare at me all day, seemingly judging my every move, but also because I have a pretty accurate internal clock — plus, I loved the challenge of spying someone else’s watch or engaging them when and if I needed a precise time update. Smart phones have largely spoiled my intentional distancing from perma-time-consciousness, but my resistance to temporal militance remains. (To be clear, I’m not advocating lateness: While I support healthy periods of “wasting” your own time, I don’t endorse wasting the time of others.) 

It’s time to articulate our guiding principles when it comes to time and mindfully align our behaviors accordingly. 

And since we’re running out the clock on 2020 and there’s no time like the present (How many time cliches can you fit into one article? We’re gonna find out!), here’s your time-sensitive mission, should you choose to accept it:

1. Redefine what it means to “waste” time

We love to project value judgements about how we — and perhaps especially, others — use time. Let’s stop defining “time well-spent” exclusively in relation to productivity. Yes, achievement and creative output are both necessary and satisfying — I, for one, don’t want a life without either. But when you punish yourself for every moment not spent in pursuit of those ideals, you miss out on a lot of joy, connection, and — yes — productivity. Our best and brilliant minds have always understood the power of mental downtime, but don’t take my word for it, just read Darwin Was a Slacker and You Should Be, Too, or vow to embrace the Dutch concept of niksen, the underappreciated art of doing nothing.

The industrial revolution is largely to blame for our productivity obsession. Prior to the eighteenth century, time was a more lax concept (the word “boredom” didn’t even enter our vernacular until then), but we can turn back the clock on that relationship. We once brokered in seasons and moons, and now we schedule Zoom calls in 15 minute increments. The world isn’t going to return to scheduling project deadlines around the equinox, but that doesn’t mean you can’t reclaim how you operate and design your time. 

You get to define “productivity,” and the only thing that should qualify as “time wasting” is something that actively erodes your well-being. Only you can judge what that is, but the point is to actively apply that self-determined metric and work to minimize anything that falls short. Perhaps renaming it “life wasting” rather than “time wasting” applies a different level of clarity and urgency? So ask yourself: Does this activity waste my life or enhance it? If it’s the latter, carry on; if it’s the former, time to recalibrate…

2. Invest in the future by living for today and being honest about the past

Scientists are not unanimous in this debate, but for the most part, humans are the only animals to not only plan for the future (i.e. Do we have enough food for the winter?) but to actually imagine alternatives and possibilities. This is part of what makes us the dominant species. Unfortunately, it also often traps us in our heads. We tend to sugarcoat the past, avoid the present, and obsess over the future. This is not a formula for “success” (however we want to define it) or happiness. So let’s rebalance:

The past demands clear eyes and raw honesty if we don’t want to keep reliving it. Romanticization or denial might feel like the better option, but both limit the breadth of our experiences and erode our health. Studies show that honestly processing and coming to terms with the past through writing and talking transforms our relationship with it and allows us to experience future breakthroughs, while also promoting better physical and mental health.

The present is possibly the most underrated of our temporal relationships. As the poet Philip Larkin asks, “Where can we live but days?” We too often squander the present as we obsess over the past or worry about or plan for the future. I’m certainly not the first person to advocate “being present,” but in a world of hyper-distraction and FOMO, conscious presence is an ever-dwindling endangered species. Finding “flow” — one of the primary keys to happiness — occurs when we engage in all-consuming activities. In other words: we are happiest when we are truly present. So let “flow” flow.  

The future looms large, and catastrophizing will not change the outcome. I advocate for a “plan less, experiment more” approach to the future. Don’t get caught up in obsessing over whatifs; instead, observe, test, and use the results to determine the next step along your path. The future is iterative, not absolute, so take some pressure off and explore. As Walt Whitman reminds us, “What will be, will be well."

Time past and time future
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
T.S. Eliot

3. Life is short! Life is long! YES

Ay, there’s the rub, eh? We’re cautioned that “how we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives.” Those micro-decisions dictate the footprints on the sands of time we leave behind. Perpetually fluctuating circumstantial shifts determine if time passes agonizingly slowly or if we’re grasping to make it stand still, desperate to squeeze out every last drop. As kids, we can’t wait for time to speed up, eager for adulthood and all the freedoms and privileges it promises, only to eventually fight back against time, a futile effort to avoid aging and recapture the youth we couldn’t wait to shed.

For most of us, life is as short as it is long. Winning the war with time demands a surrender to its inevitability, to celebrating its passage, to marking moments — the silly, the mundane, and the extraordinary alike. 

So, is time on your side? Yes, yes it is. But only if you allow it.

Has your relationship with time shifted this year? What are your biggest challenges when it comes to making peace with time? Tell me in the comments!

Know someone who could benefit from shifting their relationship with time? Forward them this article or discuss it while listening to the playlist!